Snake Cradle
by Slytherin'sBlackUnicorn
Summary: Because there wasn't a drug, genjutsu, or henge in the world that could create such a ridiculous picture. He was still half debating if he'd been slipped some of Genma's poisons before he took a real good look at what his reaction did to her, and then he felt like punching himself for scaring her so badly. Oh kami, he was an idiot. She was only twenty for heaven sake and he did th-
1. Chapter 1: Snake Craddle

A/N Apparently I feel like messing with these two for some reason. I ended up making a ruff draft through three different classes instead of doing work. The idea just wouldn't die and I realized how much fun I was having writing these two.

Curse their poor souls, they've become my muse for the time being.

Un-beta'd, but I'm trying. Please tell me what needs correction.

M-rated for Anko's mouth. Have you seen that thing? I don't picture it as the prettiest place. That and adult ninja in general.

Edited: Because I felt the entro was rushed and I could have put a bit more into it.

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"...Do I even need to say anymore you reckless _impeccable_?" Morino Ibiki deadpanned in a baritone that left her feeling every bit the intimidated little girl she'd been ten years ago; weak, manipulative, and oh so utterly _stupid. _His stinging words proving to be the last remark on the most pride killing dressing-down she'd ever gotten. The man knew exactly how to make her feel fear, guilt, shame, and every other crappy-ass emotion that helped drill his point home.

Normally, the two of them had reached a point where she could meet that stare with one of her own. A hot spit fire that was just as challenging. Unfortunately, she'd only been able to get away with that _snarky-bitch_ attitude, because she knew how to construct a thin line between knowing the importance of obey her superiors and being her rude self. Konoha had many ninja with quirks that could be far worse than hers. As long as she followed that Leaf Village "Will of Fire" and still followed through as a competent ninja the world would deal with her as she wanted them to.

A scary piss-your-pants Kunoichi for the 'civvies' and somebody you were better of ignoring, or moving the fuck outta the way, if you were ninja. The only exceptions to that being the Village's Fire Shadow and her boss incase the world wanted to get all technical.

But in just one piss-poor night she'd crossed that line and skipped an extra mile just to insure how utterly screwed she was.

And now that man was showing her just how much _better _he was at getting under her skin when he was actually aggravated enough to extra seal slapped onto her shoulders viva doctors orders locked her chakra away and unable to break the restraints holding her down to the bed. Trapping Anko in the painfully white room smelling far to squeaky clean for her liking.

Anko didn't know why she'd tried to hide it. She knew there wasn't much of anything she could get past him. He knew her too well. He'd been her personal watcher and counselor when Konoha had gotten her back; broken and worse for wear. He'd been the one to fix, train her, and given her something to work for. she'd gotten a niche, somewhere to belong to. A place were those judging eye and accusing whispers couldn't touch her. A home were she wasn't a "filthy, traitorous _whore_" because that snake-fucking-bastard was her sensei and she'd been thrown away and mark like _trash_.

Of course he already _knew_ something was up. He was an interrogator of the highest degree as well as a psychologist of sorts. The people of T&I were under his management and his to deal with, so he watched over his staff like some sort of military parent, tweaking things here and there as he deemed fit. Though, for the most part, Ibiki was the type to let you deal with your own problems. It was like that until said things started effecting performance on _his time, _your job_._ Since, you were affected enough to screw up at work, obviously you can't fix your shit by yourself and that would get you killed in their line of work. Like when Umei had been acting weird and screwing up her assignments. He'd pulled her off duty to fixed what hell was going down in her life, even if he had to chain her to his office desk to do so

So Ibiki knew something was up with her, but he didn't exactly _push_ her until the second week when a stupid Kiri nin had escaped custody and nearly sliced a blade down her middle. She couldn't exactly blame the curse mark for not reacting fast enough, for having the sudden depletion of chakra that left her unable to waste in a fight. She ended up in the hospital with a slash torn into her shoulder from having to be yanked back by a comrade who had only been quick enough to prevent any fatal injuries.

Then that vindictive nurse she ran away from a week prier told her boss before she could escape and he literally sealed all her exits.

Ibiki wasn't amused, not in the slightest. Now he just seemed content on making sure she would get things dealt with.

"It's you who will be informing the Hokage _why_ you need paid leave and then well be visiting your _boy-toy_ for celebration." He'd snarled testily. The fact that he was towering over her handcuffed form wasn't helping the burning nausea she was starting to feel. "We'll go now, you'll tell them both, and then you can deal with whatever comes of it afterwards."

"...W-we?" She squeaked out weakly. An awful, embarrassing stutter settling in with plenty panic. Kami, she was so far out of her league with these kinds of situations. That sturdy wall of fiend indifference she'd built to protect herself was crashing down so fast it could have been made of poker cards.

So pathetic.

"Indeed, I got the folder right here_._"

"B-but I-I can do-Ouch!" He swatted a hand upside the back of her head, snorting.

"If you waited this long and still haven't said _anything _to our Hokage and Kakashi then no, you obviously _can't." _He tossed a bundle of clothing onto her lap and popped cuffs on her wrist. "And change clothes while I wait outside. We need to keep this quiet."

She needed something sweet, tooth rotting, and perfect for sorrow drowning right about now.

Because she sure as hell couldn't get a _drink._

_..._

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He noticed the two large chakra signatures well before he made it home. Categorizing them in low to mid level jōnin in class, he immediately recognized them both to belong to Konoha nin, so he scratch out the idea of assassin's in his home. His brow furrowed in thought for a small moment. He didn't particularly know the reason either would pay him a visit now. Only one of them actually actively searched for him from time to time. The other, he couldn't exactly put a name or face to, so he was less than sure about the motives on seeking out his home to wait for him. They were also horribly informed on how to approach him. Kakashi rarely occupied his house longer than an hour or two per week these days.

He almost, _almost_ turned tail and fled for ANBU headquarters. Sadly, he'd already checked out hours ago and didn't feel like being chased off his property for the night. Plus, the Hokage himself had specifically emphasized how much he _wanted_ ANBU Captain Inu to spend a good long rest in his _own home_ after his team's mission. The "wanted" in that sentence being an actual order didn't escape anyone's mind nor did the detailing of where Kakashi should be resting. The Third knew him far too well as with some vague context plenty of ANBU did consider headquarters as a home of sorts in a twisted sort of way.

He signed, slipping through one of the open windows into his kitchen and wormed his way forward, flaring his normally masked chakra to a noticeable level before quickly popping his head through his living room, cocking it towards the left questionably.

Then he had to actually stop himself from doing a double take before speaking.

"Saa… No one told me I'd be having visitors Anko-san and… Morino-san." Surprise, surprise.

He'd truly known one of them had been her, but now he had a face and name to pin towards exactly who had the other recognizable chakra belong to.

Ibiki Morino and he didn't hang in the same ninja social circle, but he'd still met the man long enough to mark his scent and chakra into the not kill classification of his mind.

"Ah and so the _great_ copy-nin finally appears." The sarcasm was dry and hinted with deep irritation. Apparently he had done something that'd greatly miffed the older man enough to drag his underling with him for one reason or another. It had to be something old, he hadn't been in Konoha in three weeks...

But that didn't explain why Anko was currently dressed so out-of-place. The Kunoichi practically _lived_ in that overcoat and mesh body suit from what he knew.

Kakashi straightened up from his slouch in the doorway, wondering specifically what the head of T&I, and Anko were doing in his house and why she was dressed so casually. It was his first of many clues that something was very, very wrong here. Anko in civilian clothes wasn't normal nor was the wide-eyed look of nervousness. The fact that her hair was down didn't help with that. Blue tinted black hair just gave the pale brown eyes a bigger appearance, making that startled deer look pop even more.

Poor girl looked ready to bolt while her eyes purposely looked anywhere, but his face.

He was pretty damn sure the dead cactus plant on the counter wasn't all that interesting to look at. Neither were the blank grey walls, or pristine white carpet that distracting either.

No, no that wasn't _right_. He didn't think Anko could look and behave so... not Anko. At least not without henge, makeup, or genjutsu but he couldn't spot any of the signs for it at the moment.

Anko was a loud, abrasive, vulgar, vicious, and blunt little twenty year old. She practically _had_ to be prickly as people in their world shown that vulnerability took miles with it. Getting burned wasn't pleasant, _ever_.

Well, he might as well get this over. The sooner he got them to leave the sooner he could reset the traps they obviously dismantled if they went through his front door and settled for squatting in his living room.

But.

He was _not_ in the mood for long conversations today, no matter his curiosity on the utter weirdness that was going on. If he had to irritate them out of his house and clan compound he _would_. His hand was already in his pocket slowly reaching for that special orange book that worked so well on getting people to screw off, be it civilians or ninja. Following that would be vague, clipped sentences, acts of innocent cluelessness, pretending to zone of conversations, and adding the occasional creepy giggle now and then disheartened the most persistent.

"Mahh… So-" To bad Ibiki was well-informed on how to deal with his antics. Cutting him off before he could even take control of the conversation usually worked well.

"Cut the shit Hatake-san, somebody has something important to tell you now, right _Anko-chan_?"

'_Damn...'_

The sudden spike of killing intent in the air froze Kakashi's fingers just as the title Icha Icha was visible from his vest pocket. Supposedly, whatever the man wanted from him was worth trying to make the copy nin stay and converse like a normal human being long enough to listen.

Ibiki moved his glare from Kakashi down towards his subordinate while the copy-nin took note of the hands on both her shoulders gently hold her in place and preventing the women from bolting like she wanted to. Kakashi saw how she stiffened, how tightly she clamped her jaws together, and how scared she looked. Being force to stand awkwardly between the two males probably wasn't helping.

She blinked before turning her neck to face her boss.

...Was that a pleading look? Since when did Anko actively beg people outside of a joking manner.

"Don't look at me like that. I don't care how, but either you tell him or _I_ will, and you know you won't like it when I do." No, Anko really _wouldn't_ want that to happen. She flailed slightly, face paling knowing exactly want that would intel. Kakashi, still stumped, gave a leveling stare at Anko suspiciously.

"...Fine." The head interrogator snorted and watched her reach inside her coat.

"Good."

Kakashi caught the folder flung purposely at his face and inspected the cover before opening. He noted it as the type used by hospitals to house medical records. He scanned through the first two pages informing him on things he both knew and hadn't known about the Kunoichi: Birthdate, height, weight, rank, special skills, past injuries, everything in-between, and beyond. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up as alarm went off in his mind because that something he didn't know was just about to rear it head and bite him, hard. He could feel it coming.

Still, he didn't actually comprehend it until his eyes settled on the last page.

Then Kakashi's breath hitched as his body went still save for the slight twitching of his eye. Seconds went by before he mechanically look back at cringing Anko for confirmation. His digits digging into the page violently.

She nodded just as stiffly; her hand moved to rub the back of her head shyly. "Yeah... for about one month and a few weeks, and it's _yours_ because I haven't been sleeping with anyone else Kakashi."

Then she regained enough confidence to glare, daring him have the ball to denied it and to prove her right of wanting to not be here. Her Usual attitude showing now that, the worst of it was over and out. One last word rolled off her tongue Sharp, humorless, and mockingly.

_"Surprise_."

But Kakashi head was still fried on that last sentence to take much notice of it.

_"...It's yours."_

_"Yours..."_

_'YOU'RE A FATHER! Oh Kami...'_

Ibiki, lips curled into a vicious, merciless sneer, looked them both in the eye before adding the final nail in the coffin. "Congratulations you _idiots, _you've manage to reproduce."

A loud thud rattled off the floor.

"...Heh."

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Anko's lip twitched, fighting a toothy grin as the father of her unborn brat eye's rolled back and he, flopped forward into the room and out of consciousness, like a dead fish.

This-oh man. That reaction had to be the highlight of her entire week. It was so satisfying after being hounded to spend the last forty-eight hours coming by his house, waiting for him to return: He was suppose to gave gotten back days ago. She felt herself calming down already because, seeing Kakashi Hatake faint was just too good not to get amusement from, no matter the circumstances. Her heart rate was steadily slowing from its loud thumps to a vague sound she could finally,_ finally_ ignore with no troubles.

Although, she'd still damn well flee to the farthest parts of Konoha, hide low in one of the places' Ibiki wouldn't dare to tread near if he'd just let her shoulders go. She'd did what she had promised. Kakashi new he was a daddy now. Why wasn't he leaving?

"Fuck, you can release me _now_. Dog-boy knows." She spat, turning her nose up in indignation. _Yes_, she was getting comfortable in her skin again, thank kami. If she started stuttering to her boss again she was going to _die_.

The man glared back down at her while applying a small sum of pressure to show he knew her thoughts and how she better _not _follow them through. Damn guy could read a person better than a Yamanaku could. He'd poked and prodded before dragging out her pregnancy to the Hokage and now the _lucky _father knew it too.

Anko did her nastiest leer, but held her hand up in submission with a huff and pout. She wasn't even in the current condition to do the type of maneuvering it would take to get the hell out of doge and hide her trail, he knew it too.

_Asshole._

"Get your boyfriend on the couch Anko-chan." Hands relinquishing their grip, he left quietly towards Kakashi's bathroom.

She did as ordered and dumped him sprawled onto the grey-white furniture.

Quite bitter, she was half tempted to bitch about how he'd leave her to pick up an unconscious and paranoid elite ninja but would kick her off active duty for a fucking year and a half on the notion that she shouldn't exert herself. That and how she would need some time to recuperate. She didn't have to go on _missions_ if she was still active_. _She could have been doing research, working to set up this season chunin exam, hell she'd even take_ paper work_, or-or_ something_ because bed rest was agonizingly boring and lazing around doing nothing for that long would drive her absolutely nuts.

She stuffed a dango, of many raided from Kakashi's fridge, into her mouth and watch with growing interest as Ibiki returned with a bucket of water...

_Splash. _He'd tipped it over the fainted man with little to no remorse.

Thoroughly soaked, Kakashi sprung to life and Anko cackled in delight at the scene... until he immediately shook himself dry doggy style.

Wet Kakashi smelt like wet mutt apparently. _Ew_

Awake once again to the ever cruel world, the copy-nin regained his bearings and slumped into his couch in mental exhaustion. He stared with a fascinated and unblinking eye.

At. Her. _Stomach_.

Anko twitch and Ibiki snorted before waving bye with his hands. "Have _fun _children." A puff of smoke filled the room and she was abandoned to face the music all on her lonesome. There wasn't any going back now.

Scratch what she though before. Ibiki wasn't just an asshole.

He was a shitty, sadistic _asshole_.

An awkward silence settled into the room and she started to feel that annoying _thump, thump_ of her heart beat again. The nails fisted into her palms were starting to dig into the skin while she mutely watched the male slowly stand up and make his way to her. At some point she couldn't take looking at him, preferring to glare down the sandals she sported.

She jerked a hand away from his touched, stepping backwards because she just wasn't _ready _to be that close. Not until she knew what he was going to due with her, himself, and the kid forming in her womb.

But then her heart stopped and her head shot up when he'd made it half why towards her and spoke those horribly muffled words.

"...Anko" She could feel her confidence slipping again. She hated how his tone sounded so shell shocked and distant to her. "How_._..did this... I can't believe-"

He shakes his head like he rejects the very idea- the actual notion- that her birth control could have fail that one drunken escapade. That maybe they'd both been to stoned put up more than that one little precaution.

The air around her starts to feel so damn dry and constricting. Stinging coming from her now bleeding nails and palms doesn't even compare to the ache and despair that squeezing her chest.

"Anko..."

She choked, feeling something insider her _snap and shatter_. Then she saw red all because if that _bastard- _

"Anko!"

Oh hell, oh fuck._ He didn't believe. He thought she was lying. That lazy-ass thought-_

"ANKO _BREATH!_" She inhaled, feeling Kakashi move right behind her and wrap his an arm around her waist. She snarled, struggling to be let go. Ibiki was wrong, she shouldn't have told him. Kami, he-

"I-if you even _think_ I'm fucking lying you piece of shit-"

"That's not what I _meant _Anko." He spoke soothingly, brushing another hand through her hair. It did nothing but infuriate her. That was just as bad as patronizing to her.

"Then what the fuck did you mean?!" She was trembling, trembling with rage and fear, because he wasn't _believing_ her and she knew next to nothing about raising a kid by herself. She wanted to _kill _him for this. She was going to kill him. She-

The next few words flew out his mouth fast, hurriedly trying to placate her as best he could.

"That I can't believe I did this to you Anko. That I _fucked it up_. That I got a barely twenty year old _pregnant_. I thought I was careful and I _know_ it's mine. I can smell _that _now that I've taken notice. Please, calm down and breath Anko. I'm just in shock, _I promise_."

Anko mind is halted from its path of dark, painful thoughts and she pauses to turn her head and _really_ look at him. No more of those quick glances or immediate avoidance of his masked face. She takes the time to analyze him and he looks at her like he's_ sorry. _It's not anger, it's not suspicion, but he's actually _apologizing _to Anko. It wasn't a lie from what she could read off him. His voice and words showed regret and anger...towards himself and not _her._ He doesn't blame her and he's not going to ditch her. She'd jumped the gun and over reacted.

...What.

She saw the pained expression in his eye and her breath turned ragged, her rage is subsiding into bubbling confusion with a mix of _sweet, sweet_ relief. She ignored the wetness on her face, indicating she'd started to cry about this shit at some point. It was okay, she was calming down but holy hell.

laughing mirthlessly, she just _had_ to ask. "You can _smell that?!_" How the fuck did having a dog nose do that? It was honestly mind boggling.

He started to rub circle into her back, holding her even tighter to his body now that she was still. "It comes with decades of having the dog summoning's contract influenced in your family line. We inherit a few thinks other than basic sense heightening and it builds up through the genetics." He explained it as if it made all sense in the world, slowly tugged her back towards a soft chair diagonal to his damp couch.

She didn't stop him either.

But then he paused in thought for a split second before giving her that freaky eye-smile. Out of the blue, he set his chin onto her shoulder, making her jolt from surprise. He took a more playful tone with her.

"It's a summoning thing. You wouldn't understand _Anko-chan." _He emphasized the addition of that _insufferable_ honorifics.

_'Was he...'_

She felt the hand move from combing her locks to patting her head while he tsked pityingly.

He totally was. Her grin grew a sharp edge as she thanked the man in thought for it. A snort escaped from her lips.

Oh, she knew he knew she knew what he was doing and proceeded to follow along accordingly. She needed this at least. A few moments to pull herself together and talk about something that didn't make her feel so soft and frail. He was giving her that chance so she would take it and milk it as much as she could.

" 'Summoning's thing' my ass. My snakes don't do that." She let him set her down a the chair while he hovered close by, not letting go of her left hand.

"And you're the first person in your family to have a snake contract."

"Then it doesn't count. That's like a shitty cheat Kekkei Genkai." Like that stupid headband covered left eye of his.

"Aww, It's okay Anko-_chan_. We can't all be born talented."

"Still cooler than your shitty dogs Kakashi. Is 'I can smell when a women's knocked up and if it's mine' even brag worthy? I dare you to say that shit to Gai." Hot damn, she'd pay to see his face and how he'd try to top that.

"...I believe the word you're looking for is Creepier Anko."

"Not, I-" The distracting banter was short-lived as she was forced to detach herself from him and make a mad dash for a trash can before retracting lunch and dinner.

"Isn't it a little early for you to experience morning sickness?" He questioned. His hand moved to pull her hair back and out of range.

"Donno, but you're buying me more dango. Your brat just made me give up the ones I stole from your fridge." He frowned.

"...Anko I haven't touched anything in there in _months_."

"Oh." She knew they'd tasted off for some reason. Now she knew that purple stuff forming on that cake wasn't just smelly icing. She was glad she didn't eat that.

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><p>AN: Heh, more surprises await these two thanks to the evil, evil plot bunnies.

Kakashi doesn't know how to act like a normal human being and Anko is more insecure about herself than she likes people to believe she is. Messing around with that has become entertaining. Though, am I going to fast paced?


	2. Chapter 2: Snake in a bottle

A/N: Just so you know, I hate Naruto wiki sometimes. It have to spend five minutes trying to get the page to scroll down on my computer because it so slow. Makes me not want to look into to character profiles like I should. I'll get over it soon. I haven't given up on them. It's still more fun to take a jab at writing these two than it is to not deal with Naruto wiki's frozen page moments.

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Crippled, understaff Konoha general hospital had seen better days. Going on nine years since the bloody fox destroyed over three fourths of the structure; the place was still licking its wounds, much like Konoha as a whole. It wasn't even surprising they were dumped on a nurse/iryo-nin assistant in training instead of a full fledge doctor. They'd didn't have a scheduled appointment after all.

Maybe that was good a thing. Anko would have been butting heads with one of those stuffy I-eat-cranky-ninja-for-breakfast doctors who could force the ballsiest of Jonin into a _sit _and_ stay. _All, normal ninja hated hospital visits for a reason you know.

But...

_Thump_

The random acts of passive aggression she was currently displaying to bully the trainee probably wasn't good either. Said trainee had thought the best route to go about handling Anko was to ignore it. That wasn't going well, not in her favor at all.

_Thump..._

"Rest as much as you can..."

_Thump_

"No using chakra extensively, no smoking, no drinks, no..."

_Thump_

"Keep up with your check ups monthly if not weekly. Take those supplements as prescribe...um." He supposed she finally got the fact that ignoring it wasn't going to make it _stop_.

_Thump_

"Mitarashi-san? I don't recommend..."

_Thump_

"Your putting marks on the wall an-"

_Thump_

"Mitarashi-san please _stop that." _A hand paused, fingers feeling over the small needle like weapons decisively, ready to unleash them into room at any moment. The medical professional let out a soft sign before switching over from pleading to scolding.

The only male in the room watched the two through a lazy, calculating eye.

Oh, he knew she'd made the wrong move there. Things like that didn't work with Anko at all.

"You and your partner are hear for details about how to keep that child healthy and delivered full term. _Not_ target practice. I'd appreciate it if you, the mother to be, would _listen _to me. A Kunoichi's body is one that is already physical strained from years of battle conditioning. It's normally not fit enough to handle the extra pressures of pregnancy and is likely to create all kinds of problems for you if you don't seek or heed professional assist-."

_THUMP_

A bulging tick mark was visibly pulsing on the nurses head by then. It could also be noted that the women was now muttering irritably under her breath about her stubborn patient.

Kakashi _had_ been wondering how long it would take before she finally snapped. Anko wasn't feeling up to playing nice today, and the nurse was suffering the brunt of her mood. He guessed it was about the right time to intervene, before they were actually kicked out. The poor, poor room could also use the repreave from senbon abuse.

He moved quickly, plucking the weapons out of the air just as soon as they'd been thrown. His other hand moved to empty out the pocket sourcing the very objects. Thankfully, she was still stuck in simple off duty clothing that lacked the _many _hidden pockets of weapons and the occasional rolled up explosive tag you'd find on a normal ninja out fit, like his own. It made doing things like this a hell of a lot easier.

"Hey!" He was still finding out how shockingly easy it was for himself to over power that arm while she tryed hit him for ruining her fun.

Granted, it was only because she didn't want to take away anymore chakra from the growing infant by not using it to enhance her hits. She could still easily smash a civilian or unsuspecting genin through a wall, but he was high Jonin class, so a small hit from her didn't so much as tickle against his chest and that was utterly weird for him. It was also slightly unnerving, because it left her vulnerable incase her condition was leaked.

He mentally winced at the very idea.

Combine that thought and the crippling assault of raw _instinct _that came with being a Hatake male was causing internal uproar. The urge and pure _need_ to be suffocatingly close to her was barely being halted by years of dedicated disciple in self control. It was by shear luck he hadn't been near Anko long enough to catching her scent before he was informed and therefore able to make a connection to what he was now smelling. It was much better than the alternative of having to figure out why he would have been unconsciously tailing after Anko every move like some hyper aggressive guard dog. That along with being continuously disturbed by that confusing, weird smell. He could now easily identify it with his own scents. It could have been an unacceptable type of situation.

But those weren't the worst things he was tripping over. He could learn to deal with _all_ of that and still manage to appear himself. He was doing it right now while he gave the nurse an apologizing look, urging her to continue the explanation on the to do's and don'ts of parentage they _needed_ to hear.

It's a problem Kakashi has be stuck on for _years_, because there are some things he could never _get over. _The images were permanently seared into his head and he would never let himself forget, even if they weren't. Even though he's only human, and humans make _mistakes_, Kakashi just can't forgive himself for them. Not since that _day _where his father laid bleeding out on the floor, cold and lifeless as_ ice_. When his whole world changed and Kakashi couldn't stop screaming the words '_My fault!' _over and over in his head because his mistake had killed his _dad_. Not since he let his best friend die under a damn _rock _and broke his promise to protect precious, sweet Rin and _murdered_ her instead. All three gone and it was _his fault_.

Now every night Kakashi dreams and suffers through those nightmares come real so he will never forget what he's done. He wont try to stop them. He wont go to therapy, because this is his _punishment. _Every next mistake, every newly created fault of his gets added to the weight of that torture until he learns _not_ to make them.

Kakashi knows it's a vacuous thing to do. There's no way a human can not screw up from time to time, but this is the only way he knows how to _repent. _

Because Kakashi can't stand the gut wrenching fear of _failure_. He's failed too many people already and he doesn't want to add Anko or a child to that list. He hates himself for getting her into this and leaving her stuck with _him_: A broken tool.

And then there's the guilt, he could not possibly forget the guilt eating him up inside from both things he's done in past and right now. Not even with knowing it "takes two to tango" so to speak.

Having sex with her had certainly not been once either. That can of worms started _months_ ago.

Who had been the one between them to initiate the beginning of their copulations wasn't definable. It was something that just _happened _with the two of them. Neither one of them had been actively searching for a relationship, purely physical or not, towards the other. This was something that occurred one day when they both happened to need some sort of relief. A way to let go of some of those angry, pent-up frustrations instead of decimating a training ground. The two hadn't thought in those moments, they'd _acted _and fed into whatever they'd been feeling.

After that first time it became a reoccurrence whenever the world became to much to bear without release. They didn't call, didn't go on dates, and they didn't do anything special to one another. Anko and Kakashi hadn't been looking for someone who would cling so these moments worked for them and, in the end, kept them doing it.

A foolish decision indeed.

When Kakashi looks at Anko, who's twenty, and himself, only two years older, he's torn up at the fact that he's absolutely not _ready_ for this. He didn't know if he would have been more sure if this happened three years from now and he knows Anko is worried out of her mind. The fresh memory of that panic attack was forever burned into his mind without the add of sharingan. It festered the root of a lot of that guilt.

But that stupid, undying _fear_.

He doesn't know how to be a dad. Kakashi doesn't know how to be _anything_ like Sakumo, and he fears how this will workout for the two, going on three, of them. It scares the crap outta him, but he's spent these last few days _trying_ to pull himself together. Trying to keep himself solid and standing. He's a fucking _man, _not a teenager, or a child. He shouldn't be letting this affect him as bad as it was. If there was an existing physical representation of his mental state, he'd be looking at something covered in _multiple_ deep, ugly stiches.

Thought, despite all this mess, he'd come to some sort of standing decision.

He _will _pull himself together, dammit. He _will_ be ready, for that baby was soon coming.

Kakashi let out an even breath and went back to slouching. The senbons quietly tucked away from obvious sight, before he wrapped an arm around Anko smaller frame to restrain her assault. "You said there could be problems?" He would like know about that before it jumped on them out of the blue.

The women appeared happy that at least someone was taking her words to heart.

Personally, he was confidant Anko had been listening in her unique little way. She was a rude purposely irritating person by nature, not idiotic.

Either way, the nurse jumped at the chance to get back on topic, hosting a pained sideway glance at Anko.

"Yes, usually we have Kunoichi who are planning for family wait a year at the minimum to prepare by not do anything taxing to their bodies. A growing fetus survives completely off the energy and nutrients of it's mother's chakra network and bloodstream. This continues up until a week into the second trimester, when it has developed a semi-functioning chakra system of it's own and the toll on your chakra is lessoned slightly."

Kakashi felt Anko, stiffen, but he made no immediate moves. They both knew what was coming next.

"Up until that point, anything between mid-to-large fluctuations in chakra levels can cause problems while it works to support two lives instead of one. This is _very _dangerous. Unlike your blood, that will continue to flow in fixed directions and completely provide its nutrients, your chakra moves differently and depletes itself when in use. Mitarashi-san you've already experienced what can happen. It was both good and bad that your body immediately pulled some of that chakra towards keep a consistent supplying for your unborn... but it left you unable to defend yourself."

Exactly what would have happened was left unsaid. No one _needed_ to voice the fact that had that not been the case, Anko could have miscarried. The fragile baby wouldn't have been able to survive the loss and died in a way akin to extreme chakra exhaustion. He could see her arms slide over to wrap around her middle, eyes showed hidden shame and horror.

The feeling in his chest tightened while he steeled himself not to react in the presence of the medical staff. This was something to be discussed when they were back in his home with a privacy seal slapped onto the entrance of his living room.

Anko, quiet as can be, appeared sulky and remorseful enough in the eyes of a calmly smiling Iryo-nin assistant, who went on with more vigor than before. No more interruptions were made beyond the occasional question for elaboration or thought.

In the end, Anko and Kakashi left with three different, informative books on babies given by a relieved, but well meaning nurse. An official check up had scheduled a month from then so they had the time to work things out and prepare.

...

* * *

><p>...<p>

The runty little dog took one sniff in her direction before pointing with a clawed little paw.

"Of all the females in his life it just had to have been _you,_ didn't it."

_'Pakkun,'_ Anko thought with mild distaste. '_h__as to be my least favorite and most annoying of Kakashi's ninken.' _

The pug stared at her frowning form with a long suffering look before turning to sic it on Kakashi. "The snake women, _Seriously?_" He had only just been summoned, and was fast becoming a nuisance, tiny smashed in face and all.

It wasn't cute.

Kakashi had the audacity to look indifferent towards the jab. Anko was fighting to control herself by biting her tongue and simply showing her displeasure by face value alone. She needed the damn animal to relay a message.

"So you'll do me this one favor, right? I'll owe you one, promise." The copy-nin clasped his hands together in mock pleading and Pakkun made a sound suspiciously similar to a chortle.

"Only because the women is whelping, but exactly _who _of the python clan am I to be addressing?" Anko took that as her time to chip in.

"Kiko-obaa-san, their leader. You need to ask for her and inform them it's from me."

No, she was _so_ not going to react to their questioning looks because she called the giant jungle snake "grandma." They could fucking stare all they wanted. Kiko was awesome... and needed to know why her children weren't being summoned into the Death Forest to feed as per agreed by their contract. Summoning big ass snakes took a lot of chakra after all. All of the intelligent reptiles capable of relaying or delivering her message to Kiko would take too great a toll.

"Alright, but when the kids are here summon Bull first. She loves puppies." Pakkun un-summoned himself.

What a moment..."Bull's a _girl?_" Holy fucking shit. She knew animal were ambiguous to the human eye, but she never caught on to that little detail last she saw the tank of a dog.

"Is it really that hard to tell?" He asked, like everyone apparently had the ability to spot animal gender differences. A Inuzuka probably could, but she wasn't one so it didn't count.

"Honestly, yes. You know there's this crack-pot theory going on through the Kunoichi circle about you having something sexist going on there, with an all male summoning squad. It doesn't help that they've never seen you remotely interested in dating the opposite sex." She informed in while examining her red fingernails. She only stopped to take a small peek at his face and snickered at his twitching limbs.

"...Do I even want to know?" He asked dryly, after a minute or two of spacing out.

"Oh come on, that's not even the funniest of them. There's this other one we're you're secretly gay and that porn book is just you covering up the fact that you're... uh_, playing for the same team. _Then th_-"_

_"_Please stop_ talking_!" The pitch of his voice rose from a baritone to an alto just as fast as the blush spread across the upper part of his face, where the mask couldn't hide it. She could swear to kami he _was_ trembling in mortification. It was when he wilted into side of wall for support that Anko simply couldn't hold _it_ in any longer.

Visage planted downward into his couch, Anko was suffering from a serious lack oxygen by the time she could stop laughing long enough to string together a coherent thought.

_'This is the most hilarious shit I've seen in forever.' _The pervert copy-nin embarrassed, oh the _irony_. She'd stuffed a hand over her mouth to muffled her voice, trying to hold back the last of the giggles that _just wouldn't stop. _It took nearly five minutes before Anko was somewhat calm again. Her body still tingled with amusement.

But then the magical ambiance created by laughing ninja died and the sheepish Kakashi expression turned into one of somberness and deep thought. He seemed to have remembered something important and horrendous judging by that wincing.

Uh-oh

"The noble clans will have to know about this, Anko" Aww hell...Kami this was_ bad_. Bad that she had let herself get the prospects of impending taken that into much consideration and bad as every repercussion that can, could, and would happen was dangerously near.

There were three things in Konoha Anko purposely avoided or made avoid herself like the plague: civilians, hospitals, and _POLITICS. _

She didn't speak to the largest ethnicity of her village's population and made sure none of them had the bright idea of coming to her, as temperamental as she could be, to say _shit._ Hospitals? She couldn't avoid that now with being pregnant, but she preferred visiting a medical ninja she knew personally instead of overbearing hospital staff. The latter of the three...Anko would rather clean _all_ the jail cell bathroom stalls than touch _that_ with a sixty foot pole.

Stuck in a meeting room with a stick up the ass, Hyuga or even an, "I am better than you in every way because I'm a purebred, sister-fucking, inbreed of a Kurama," was something she couldn't deal with without at least one charge of assault and attempt murder.

and that was only two of Konoha most backwards clans.

Birthing a bastard child/heir/heiress of an almost extinct clan had obviously dragged her straight into the political frying pan. And now that she thought about it-

'_Oh kami, Ibiki was right. I do make split decisions like I play roulette.'_

Her boss had all but smacked her with a detailed book on Clan history. She really needed to start reading more of that. Anko hadn't even _known_ the Hatake family was still a clan before scanning through it's contents. She'd thought you would need at least thirty related members before you could even be classified as such. No wonder the man had insisted so badly. Had she hid it much longer and the world found her with a silvered hair brat with _white _chakra before Kakashi or The Third found out-

That... clusterfuck would have had every council panning for her ass, burying her and the baby in a scandalous hole so deep, not even earth style would get them out.

And she was _sure _there was some crazy law about not hiding a baby that held blood ties to a clan. Hell, they could probably twist it into some retarded charge of bloodline theft even if she was the_ mother_ and the Hatake charka was more of an abnormality than a true kekkei genkai. Konoha didn't _play_ when it came to those types of situations. The destruction of an entire founding clan less than two years ago had only served to rock the boat even more.

The shift in power in just one night had unbalanced more than a few affairs. The crime rate had gone up with the entire police force destroyed, for one. The Chunin corps had to take up the reins in that department and they were still swamped with the paper work from the murder charges of 500 _deaths_. Konoha had taken another critical hit with the loss of hundreds of working ninja too.

But the important thing for her was knowing how Konoha's factions worked and how they would want to use this,_ her_ to gain higher favor. The Hatake were apparently one of the first few older clan to join Konoha and that left them as much influence as any Nara or Aburame. Influence that still stood strong despite Kakashi's lack of trying in that area.

Heck, avoided people like hell was probably his only decent tactic. She could almost smile at the picture of the much younger, tinier clans trying to cozy up to him and being flat out _ignored_. He'd probably pissed a lot of people off.

Unfortunately, Anko had to cut the musing and come back to reality because this really wasn't _good _spot to be in. If a faction couldn't use another to gain they usually went with defacement and something like this getting out without proper introduction could actually make Kakashi lose his position. Then another hellish shift in affairs would take place. The village was already weakened. They didn't need Kumo or Iwa seeing their government squabbling.

She rubbed a thumb across her forehead, trying to ease the growing tension.

"They're going to be really anal about this aren't they?" She could already see the upturned noises and condescending voices she would try to _not _slam against the nearest concrete floor.

"Basically speaking? Yes." Oh, why did he have to agree. He was suppose to make her feel better about this.

"_Great._" Nope, nadda. This was horrible. If her eyes had visible pupils they would be so wide right now.

Kakashi went on though, explaining what he needed to get off his chest.

"Anko," He unconsciously fiddling with his fingers and looked towards the ceiling in a way that could be called praying. Nervousness, fear, _guilt _could be easily read from those actions.

Whatever was coming next just _had_ to be awkward.

"A lot of the more traditional clans and the village elders are going to be the worst of the lot. Even if I've never acknowledged it, I have a seat on the Clan Council and plenty of them have a set image they think a head should uphold, an image I'm already pushing it with my..um _habits.-" _

Anko snorted.

"-I've never cared enough to even show for those meetings, but I'm still a _Hatake_ and its only member."

It was like something was physically weighing him down at this point. He got that far away look, showing thousands of unspoken apologizes.

"They're going to push for_ marriage_ Anko." He stresses the word as if it's legit torture to even speak of it. Anko blinked, trying and failing to not be surprised. She really shouldn't been shocked. Of course the uptight prudes would want them to ratify having kids out of wedlock.

It was just the way Kakashi was talking about it sounded- felt like...

...

Like... he just indirectly pop the question to her!? She rolled over and pushed herself up into a sitting position. She _really_ wished she could get a drink. Kakashi could be nominated for most awkward marriage proposal. The more he went on the weirder the poor man got with something as simple as _talking._

"I-I don't want force you into_ this_ Anko, but you need to know they're going to say things and spread word and just make up these-"

She quickly step in because Kakashi's words were just going all over the place and he wasn't making _any_ damn sense."I'm going to be turned into a scapegoat to create political upheaval and be used as a distraction to further the clan, elders, and any other shitty councils agendas. They'll looking to point the eyes and ears of the people away from them and focused on the unstoppable force know as 'juicy gossip', right?"

Anko understood how the dirtier side of her home worked. She just fucking hated everything about it. Those people were like an infestation of rats with the way they wedged themselves into any cracks and crevasses, feeding off the disgusting stench of currupt _rot_ that afflicted every village one way or another.

When your average professional killer was less vile than the people who had a say in how things were run, you just know it had to be _bad_.

Perhaps, if this was something just involving herself, not Kakashi, not _this _baby, she would have stupidly let them _have a go _and given them the nastiest hell she could muster. Her name was already slandered among plenty of the populace for be associated with oh-so-pale and fugly. She probably would have stared down the proverbial sleeping tiger and thrown the biggest firecracker she could find into its _face_. Fuck the consequences.

But Anko took a gander at her stomach, still flat and un-showing, as it left her so much _more_ to think about.

This wasn't just her. A kid -though she'd never raised one- needed a less volatile environment and _no child_ of hers was going to grow up dealing with that shitstorm, she wouldn't have it. Anko knew how that could easily _destroy_ a person in every since of being. She didn't want to know how that would screw with a kid starting from before said child was even _born._

"Okay." She had never once contemplated marriage, but it might as well be with the man who had "popped her cherry," not that he knew.

She watched his head snap to attention and imaged his jaws dropping under that mask.

"_Okay_?!" He eventually chokes, making her roll her eyes. What about okay did he not comprehended? The bit with O or the K. A. Y. one could put together with O to mean aright, Yes, okeydokey, un-huh, and a plethora of other positive answers.

Anko rudely jabbed a finger in his direction. "Kakashi, if the best solution to stop this from happening is to _marry you_ then I think I've done far worse jobs in my life." He was quite easy on the eyes too. Saying other wise would be an awfully bad lie, even with more than half of his face covered.

he didn't seem to be taking her quick acceptance well though. "But... _okay?!_"

_'Speak full sentences Kakashi, you are not spazzing out on me over this,' _She thought.

"So you don't want too." She set her elbow onto a thigh and propped her face up with a hand. Her light-brown eye squinting up at him. Anko was slightly offended.

"That's not- I don't want you to be forc- No, you really wont want me..." She glared up at him, because he wont _shut up_ long enough to see she was _fine_ with it and didn't need anyone telling her otherwise. She had a _fully functioning_ brain thank you very much.

"Okay." He finally brakes, too tongue-tied to say anymore. Anko nodded, pleased.

_'Good you socially inept fool.'_

"Then you can tell the council you have a pregnant fiancé. Legally, none of them can say shit because you would have already done the honorable thing by asked for my hand or whatever and any suggestive questionings would be looked down at as over stepping ones social bounds. If they try to secretly find out who I am, or if words gets out before you're willing to reveal it then it back lashes on them as a direct attack and an endangerment to one of Konoha's dying clans."

Those clan laws could work in funny ways. You're totally screwed if you break them no matter how stupid, old, and down right silly they were, but on the other had, some of it was awesome with how you could use loopholes and vague contexts to pull one over the assholes. This way they couldn't _touch_ her.

He blinked at her little speech, nonplussed. "How do you know this?"

"Because whenever people like that get caught doing illegal shit, and no way to cover their asses, they're tossed over for T&I to deal with. _I'm_ the one who has to get in their pretty little heads. I have to know how some of it works. Makes it easier to rattle them when you know how to indirectly snub them by taking their own rules and playing it against them."

_'And Ibiki, that sly asshole had helped more than he'd originally let on.'_

At least the man she was now wedded to was gaining some sense and not gasping like a bloated, suffocating frog.

Given some much needed time to think he'd eventually schooled himself into that usual, easy going poster. The air of nervousness slowly faded into calm acceptance with his insecurities and regret nearly disappearing for the time being. She hoped they'd both reach a point were these moments would stop happening. The ninja in them both had to absolutely hate showing those easily exploited feelings.

"I'll inform them of our up coming marriage soon then. It... need to plan a date... preist." She leaned back into his furniture whiled he droned on before she stiffened and paused. Something felt _wrong_.

It took her a second to realize, but as Kakashi spoke once more, Anko found her self unconsciously drowning him out because of how utterly _exhausted_ she was, mentally and physically. It takes her by surprise, as she can't comprehend how she'd gone from feeling okay to this fast growing sluggishness _at all_. Her "hubby" had yet to take notice and she was feeling far too out of it to care about the conversation.

"Kakashi?" She interrupted, flopping from her sitting position back-first into the couch. "I... I'm tired and talking about this anymore is _stupid._ I want to go to sleep so please be _silent _like normal."

She hadn't even done anything, but day had still taken it out of her, that much was certain. Her body felt like lead and her eyes were starting to droop. The kind of tired a good _long_ Nara-nap was called for. Anko squished her face into the soft cushions.

_'How did that bastard get such a comfy couch?' _The odd thought briefly ran through her head.

Kakashi didn't speak, but when she stop fighting it Anko easily found herself drifting between consciousness and sleep as a warm presence brush against her skin.

All she could think about was how _nice_ that felt before the dream world consumed her mind.

* * *

><p>NA: To tell you the truth, I don't plan to write about their official marriage until a chapter after this next chapter is written. I Don't intend for it to be long and I kinda want the romance in this to start developing subtly. Anko and Kakashi don't love each other and wont for a while. The plot of this isn't even focused solely around them falling in love. Just know the Snakes, dogs, and a few more hidden things in this chapter will help tie things together as the story progresses.

Remember, we still have Orochimaru, Danzo, and Tobi to deal with.


End file.
